Empty Vessels
by Jemmiah
Summary: Empty vessels make the most sound. Well, his fellow padawans seem to think that Mace Windu is full of hot air...


**Empty Vessels**

**By Jemmiah**

* * *

"They say empty vessels make the most sound." Dex squinted at the prone figure of Mace Windu, pointing a finger at the padawan's stomach. "Your belly must be _very _empty indeed."

It was fast approaching midnight on Tildas, a time when all good Jedi Knights and padawans should have been in bed, fast asleep and dreaming the dreams of the righteous. The balmy, warm night air filtered into the cosy log cabins of the mountain retreat, lulling the restless and soothing the weary inside a protective force blanket. Row upon row of contented apprentices lay upon their bunks, their eyes closed, having partaken of a basic but hearty supper. Tiny snores punctuated what was otherwise a peaceful, almost tranquil atmosphere.

That and the rumbling from Mace's intestinal tract.

Qui-Gon turned over onto his side and slowly - against his better judgement - opened one reluctant eyelid.

"What do you think you are _doing?"_ He whispered across at Dex.

Berlingside whipped round, surprised. "Thought you were asleep."

"Which is precisely what you should be doing." Counselled Qui-Gon, his brows furrowing into deep caverns of concern. "Why are you crouched down besides Mace?"

The Corellian gave a tight little shrug of his shoulders. "Have you heard the noises that are coming from him? The grumbling and the growling? The gurgling and the glug-glugging? Utterly fascinating!" Dex grinned, his smile radiantly lighting up the darkness. "Never heard the like of it before. Sounds like a herniated Bantha trying to pass a hot air balloon…"

Qui-Gon couldn't help but smirk at that one. He knew that Mace was extremely sensitive about remarks aimed at his 'delicate digestion' and could appreciate how terrible it would be to live with a constantly rumbling belly. But, oh - how much worse for his friends to suffer it as well!

"That still doesn't explain what you are doing over there." Qui-Gon levered himself up, resting his head on the palm of his hand. "Windu won't thank you for it, whatever it is. I suggest you head back to your bunk before he wakes up and shakes you until your eyes drop out and roll across the floor."

Dex waved the advice off with a friendly shake of his hand and if anything crept closer still to the slumbering form of Mace Windu. How peaceful the padawan looked, he thought, as he inched closer to his bunk. He seemed content with his lot, evidently untroubled by either a guilty conscience or the weird and wonderful array of noises transmitted by his gut. Reaching into his pocket Dex brought out a tiny little object that to Qui-Gon's eyes looked rather like a com-link, only fractionally larger, and held it against Mace's stomach.

Gro-rrrr-owwww-llllll….rrrr-awwwwrrrllll….growwwllll….

With his free hand he treated Qui-Gon to a thumbs-up sign. This was absolute music to Dex's ears! Such rumblings and whining like a cacophony of vervoid howlers in a zoo screeching to be fed! Such burbling and squealing!

"You're recording Mace's stomach?" Qui-Gon sighed, flopping once more onto his back. "May I ask why?"

"Dunno." Dex beamed. "Something told me it might come in useful. Besides which at the very least it'll be fun!"

"You have a strange idea of fun." Qui-Gon felt obliged to point out. "Now for the love of the force, get back to bed before Mace wakes up? Something tells me he's not going to be terribly thrilled with the notion of you sitting up all night trying to record his natural gases fighting their way through his body…"

RRRROOWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLL!

"That was a good one!" Dex clicked the recording device off. "Did you hear it?"

"It would be difficult not to. _And_ you as well." Qui-Gon responded by putting his pillow over his head. Clearly Dex was in one of his excitable moods and was not in a hurry to retreat to his bunk. "I wash my hands of the whole affair. I'm not awake, I never heard you and I have no idea what you are doing. I deny everything."

"Good." Nodded Berlingside agreeably. "Then you won't see me doing this!"

Despite everything he had just said Qui-Gon found himself lowering the pillow from his face and watching in horrified fascination as Dex pulled back Windu's sheets, holding the recording device just inches away from the sleeping padawan's bare middle. Fed up with muffled sound quality Dex had evidently decided the only way to accurately reflect the level of noise from Mace's stomach was to get as close to the source of the disturbance as possible.

RRRROWWWLLLLLLLLLLRRROOWWWWLLLLLLLLL!

"Oh, yes! Superb!" Dex whispered delightedly. "The accurate sound of the sleeping, lesser-haired Windu in his natural habitat!" Berlingside lowered the device as close to Mace's stomach as he dared, at which point Windu took it upon himself to roll over onto his side, his flesh coming into direct contact with the cold metallic recorder. Chilling coldness flashed across his stomach like wintry icicles or cold, dead fingers across his bare skin.

Mace went from being sound asleep to wide-awake in less than a split second.

"What in the name of the force is going on?" He yelled into the darkness, sitting up on his bunk with the sheets half wrapped around his legs. Instantly his eyes fell upon the innocent and startled looking face of young Berlingside who had swiftly palmed the little recording device the moment he had realised the danger.

"Dunno." Dex shrugged as Mace continued to glower at him. "You must have been having a nightmare."

_"You _are my only nightmare." Windu snapped. "What the hell do you think you were doing around my bunk?"

Berlingside frowned. "Well, you see there was this strange noise. And it sounded really scary, so I thought that seeing as how every one else was asleep it fell to me to investigate it. I mean, it could have been some kind of weird creature for all we knew. Here we are, stuck on a strange planet, surrounded by interesting flora and fauna…who could say what it might be? You wouldn't want to wake up in the morning and find you'd been eaten, would you?" Dex insisted.

"Well, no…" Mace squinted into Dex's face.

"So, I decided to investigate, didn't I Qui-Gon?"

"I'm not awake, I never heard you and I have no idea what you are doing. I deny everything." Qui-Gon repeated, closing his eyes once more.

"Hey, perhaps it was the creature that woke you up!" Dex rubbed his hands enthusiastically. "If you want I can stay up a little while…keep a watch in case it comes back?"

Mace looked momentarily apprehensive. Then finally, having managed to get a grip of himself, shook his head.

"Er…no," His eyes darted from side to side as if in search of the mysterious creature, "That's okay. You go back to bed. I'll stay up and look out for it."

"You sure?" Dex frowned.

"Of course. I won't get any sleep now anyway. Not that I believe for a moment there really was a creature." He forced a weak smile onto his face. "There are no monsters on Tildas. It was probably a hoppity that wandered into the chalet."

"You believe that if it gives you comfort." Dex turned his back on Mace, treating Qui-Gon to an incorrigible wink. "Besides, how many hoppity's growl and grumble? Goodnight, Mace."

"Yes, you too." Windu pulled his feet up against his chest, looking out of the nearby window.

He knew there wasn't any monsters. Dex was just letting his silly imagination run away with him. There was nothing whatsoever out there that could cause them any harm.

As Dex clambered back into bed, almost instantly asleep the moment his head touched the pillow, Mace nervously reached put with the force and called his lightsabre to hand.

Just in case.

* * *

"I thought you said there were no monsters on Tildas!" Qui-Gon yelled at Mace as they looked down at the pack of large lizard-like Reptalons that paraded malevolently around the tree that he, Berlingside and Windu found themselves stuck in. Mace for his part said nothing, merely holding on to his injured leg for all he was worth as if afraid it might yet fall off. Whilst it would be an exaggeration to say that the creatures had given him a mauling it would not be fair either to suggest that they'd merely 'nibbled' him as Dex had so quaintly put it. Blood was still soaking into the cream fabric of his trousers even although Berlingside had attempted to staunch the wound by making a tourniquet with his belt. At best, Dex claimed, he'd live to fight another day. At worst his pants would fall down.

"Reptalons." Growled Windu, grimacing at the pain in his thigh. "Where did they come from?"

"They're native to Tildas." Dex piped up cheerfully. "In fact they're an endangered species - and sacred to the locals. You'd have thought someone like yourself might have taken the time to research the planet fully before coming on the retreat." He added pointedly.

"I'm so sorry." Growled Mace, his teeth well and truly gritted. "My leg is hanging off, so forgive me if I'm perhaps not at my best at the moment in terms of recall!"

Dex looked down at the several large, scaly bodies that waddled in circular fashion around the tree. They had seemed perfectly amenable - friendly even - until Mace had thrown his boot at them from out of the window, at which point the creatures had bellowed for reinforcements and surrounded the chalet. There they had stayed, battering at the wooden structure with their large, hammer-like tails - until he, Mace and Qui-Gon had attempted to distract them away by running out of the rapidly disintegrating building.

It had worked, too, much to his surprise. Unfortunately it had left them stuck up a tree with no obvious way of getting down.

"Maybe we could dangle Mace from the branches as bait?" Dex suggested hopefully. "Then whilst they're munching on what's left of him we could both escape?"

"We need to get Mace to an infirmary." Qui-Gon chewed fretfully at his lip. "Whilst I don't think he's in any danger there remains the chance that if we stay here for too long he might bleed to death."

"Oh, thank you!" Huffed Mace. "Remind me to cheer you up some day!"

"So," Continued Qui-Gon, "One of us needs to distract the Reptalons, shin down the tree, lure the creatures away and allow the remaining two of us to escape."

"We could try to mind-trick them." Opined Dex.

"I _did_ try to mind-trick them." Replied Mace wearily. "It didn't work. That's when I got my leg 'nibbled' on, remember?"

"The other padawans will be coming back with the masters." Qui-Gon scratched at his chin. "But it would be nice to be free from this prison before they arrive. We could always," he added reluctantly, "lightsabre our way through them."

"If we do that then the whole temple will be drawn into a diplomatic crisis." Answered Berlingside with a resolute toss of his head. "They're sacred, remember? You can't go around chopping up endangered species! We'd get dismissed from the temple for certain!"

"But Mace might bleed to death if someone doesn't get help." Qui-Gon reminded him.

Dex pondered that for a moment, exchanging glances with Qui-Gon. Neither of them seemed particularly enthused at the idea of climbing down to save their friend.

Then he turned to Windu and said, "Hard luck Mace. Looks like you're gonna bleed to death."

"You really know how to make someone feel good, don't you?" Mace's reply was waspish in the extreme.

"It was _your _boot." Dex reminded him. _"You_ were the one who stirred them up in the first place."

"It was all your mad talk of strange creatures in the middle of the night that put me on edge." Retorted Mace. "They obviously tried to take a bite out of me in the dark hours and then decided the liked the idea so much they'd try again!"

Dex blinked, remembering the events of several hours previous. There had been no creatures then: Mace was quite correct. He had made that story up just to save his own skin. And yet something had undoubtedly attracted the usually tame Reptalons to the chalet, all the same. What could it have been? And how could that help them now?

Quick as a flash Berlingside pulled the recording device from his pocket and set the communicator to its maximum volume.

"You're not still playing around with that, are you?" Qui-Gon rolled his eyes.

"Yup," Dex nodded, "Because this little gadget is going to save Mace's life. Or at least his stomach is. I'm going to head back for the chalet."

"Dex…" Qui-Gon warned him. "Don't be foolish!"

"That's like asking a Hutt not to eat frogs." Retaliated Mace. "Let the little idiot go, if he wants to throw his life away on a pointless gesture."

Dex grinned hugely. "I love pointless gestures!" He thumbed proudly at his chest, before standing up and hurling himself over the side of the tree, bouncing onto the back of the nearest creature and then sliding down its smooth back. Berlingside didn't hang around long enough to see if he were being followed. A simple force-assisted gallop back to the ruins of the chalet brought him out of sight as far as both Qui-Gon and Mace were concerned.

"He'll get eaten." Was Windu's pessimistic take on affairs.

"You'd really like that, wouldn't you?" Qui-Gon pulled the tourniquet on Mace's leg deliberately tighter. "He's trying to help you and all you can do is call him an idiot?"

"He is!" Protested Mace. "I'm grateful for the sentiment but getting himself torn to shreds on my part makes no sense whatsoever!"

"Maybe it's because he's you friend?" Suggested Qui-Gon simply.

That at least appeared to strike home with Mace, and the padawan had the good grace to look away, wrestling with his own conscience. He didn't want Dex hurt, especially not on his behalf, but the boy was so confident and full of himself…so darned Corellian! What special gift did he possess that made him think he could withstand a Reptalon attack any better than he, the mighty Mace Windu had?

"He _is_ my friend." Mace answered a shade reluctantly.

"Then why not let him know that from time to time, rather than let him feel he's inferior to you in every imaginable way?"

"Because if I did he would be insufferable." Mace winced as a stab of pain flashed through his leg. "And anyway, his trick hasn't worked. He hasn't drawn one single Reptalon away from the tree!"

But Qui-Gon wasn't listening to Mace. Instead, in the distance, he could hear the most peculiar of noises. At first it sounded like a low, rumbling sound…almost like an earthquake. Then the pitch seemed to rise until it became a felineoid growl, long and lingering, drifting into a bass purring noise. Finally a noise like a half-filled drain magnified many times caught his attention, before changing once more to the earthquake.

"What in the name of Yoda's stick is that?" Windu hissed. "What's going on now?"

The noise returned, louder than ever before, drifting on the wind.

"What manner of racquet is that?" Qui-Gon raised his hands to shield his eyes, scanning the horizon for any tale-tell sign of this new fearful creature. "It's coming from the chalet!"

"Sounds like the PA system." Windu frowned. "The one used for giving the padawans their early morning wake-up call."

RRROWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

"It's Dex." Qui-Gon frowned.

"Doesn't sound like him to me." Mace snorted.

"No, not the sound. That sound is you!" Qui-Gon broke into a quick and ready grin. "Or at least your stomach! Dex recorded the sound last night because he felt that it would be 'useful'. It looks as if he was proven right!"

But Mace was incensed at the idea. "You mean to say he is playing the sound of my growling stomach over the PA system?" His eyes blazed.

"Stop moaning!" Qui-Gon pointed down at the ground to where the concerned creatures were beating a rapid, hasty retreat. "It's working! Look!"

Mace followed the Reptalons with his eyes. The large, bulky lizards continued to put distance between themselves and their captives, allowing Qui-Gon to sigh with relief at long last. Now they could think about getting Mace to a healer. Windu however seemed far from enfeebled.

"I'll murder him." He growled. "Imagine doing that! Broadcasting my stomach to this side of the planet!"

"The force told him to do it." Insisted Qui-Gon.

"It was him last night, wasn't it?" Mace's jaw jutted indignantly. "If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have thrown my boot at the wretched Reptalons in the first place!"

"But they were attracted to the noise of your stomach anyway." Qui-Gon pointed out. "Which was why they were gathered round the window…"

That was when Mace had realised exactly where the Reptalons were heading. If, as Qui-Gon had speculated, the creatures were drawn to the noise of his gurgling intestines rather than repelled by it, there seemed little doubt as to where they were disappearing to. Instead of scaring the lizards away, it appeared that Dex's little plan had in one major respect backfired upon him…

Bloodied, bruised and beaten he may have been, but it was a smiling Mace Windu that raised his eyes to the heavens and was heard to declare thankfully:

"If the force told him to do it, I love the force." He sighed rapturously.


End file.
